one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize