3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
