woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think your dad took our porno
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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