I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How's work?
Spinning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
