no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
