remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
