Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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