i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
