my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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