Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
