I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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