Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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