Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
