I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
