if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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