and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
