Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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