4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
