Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
