I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize