white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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