3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
