Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
