He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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