Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
