yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
