Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
