I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize