My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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