My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
