this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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