VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
