I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
