So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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