I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
