Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
