..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
