Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
