Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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