If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize