So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
