A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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