i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I just sharted jello shots
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
