my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize