I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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