My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
