I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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