is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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