I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
