well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
