never play flip cup with pint glasses
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
