just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
