Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
