I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
