But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
