The maid of honor just puked.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
