I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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