Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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