people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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