sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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