your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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