I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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