is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
