Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
