Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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