Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
