I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
