I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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