Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
