East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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