i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
