1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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