Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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