Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
