Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
