My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life is pants optional.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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