so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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