from now on my penis is your penis
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
