She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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