Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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