..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
