Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My liver is preforming stress tests.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize