If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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