I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
