Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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