No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
