worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
