I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
